Chapter Three: Confession and Heartache :'(

Several minutes had passed and we sat in an awkward silence, you could cut the tension with a knife. It was that thick! Finally, I got the courage to sit up and grab the picnic basket and turn towards Dani. "Are you hungry?" I asked.

She nodded, "Famished." I opened the basket and began to display its contents. I had worked hard on this meal, using my best chef skills to make it. I dished some of the food for her and handed her the plate. She smiled in thank sand then I poured her a drink. I opted out of an alcoholic beverage because I wanted to be clear minded and I had to be able to drive. So, would she eventually. We ate in companionable silence as the sun continued on its path across the sky.

We made casual conversation for the rest of the meal. The more time I spent around her, the stronger my feelings became. That night I felt as if my heart would burst from my chest with the agony of waiting. There were times I thought I glimpsed that she might have stronger feelings for me but held herself back. It was so frustrating! Whenever I wanted to just tell her how I felt lyrics from one of Ed's songs would get stuck in my head. They said, "Mustn't get our feet we, 'cause that leads to regret, diving in too soon". Automatically, I would hesitate and decide to just enjoy her friendship for now. It took all my self-control to not tell her or give a hint. Even thought this romantic date I had brought her on was kind of a big hint. I didn't realize I was brooding until Dani leaned forward to look me in the eyes and asked, "What's bothering you so much that you've gone so far away, Harry?"

My eyes connected with hers and she smiled sweetly which I returned. "It's nothing, really," I replied, brushing off her concern.

Her brow furrowed in unbelief. "I may not have known you for very long but I can always tell when something is bothering you. Now spill the beans or I will force it out of you."

My chest tightened in panic. I wasn't ready to tell her my feelings. I searched for a partial truth of something that was believable to be bothering me. I scrambled desperately through my brain trying to find something, anything! Then it hit me, Larry Stylinson. It came up every so often and to be honest it did hurt. There was a strain on my friendship with Louis because of it. I hardly ever spent time with him anymore. We used to be inseparable once but now out of fear and respect for Eleanor, I backed off. It hurt to lose one of my best mates because of a joke that went too far. I told Dani all about it then and she bought it. It was true, still is sometimes but in that moment I had barely escaped telling her how I felt about her. To be honest, I felt relief but I would come to regret not telling her in that moment for years to come.


A month later, I slammed my apartment door shut behind me. The walls vibrated from the impact and I felt like screaming or punching something! I was such an idiot! Telling everyone that she was just my friend and lying about having further intentions. I'd probably lost her for forever now! I grabbed something off a table in my living room and chucked it. Hearing the crash sent me reeling. I ran my fingers roughly through my hair tugging at my strands of hair. Of all the people for her to be with, I hardly thought it would be my mate from my hometown! My heart ached and I crumbled into a fetal position, fighting back the tears that threatened to surface. I dragged my hands through my hair again and then covered my face as the tears rolled down my cheeks freely now. I begged for the aching to stop but it relentlessly trudged on, tearing every little bit of my heart and soul into shreds. I punched the ground next to me only toh it something adnt hen Ed Sheeran's album played loudly enough that I could hear the lyrics. They penetrated my mind with poignance and my sorrow only deepened. I could hear my phone ringing but I ignored it by tossing it across the room. I didn't care if it broke, I could easily replace it.

Several minutes later I laid on my back on the floor. Tears still coming and my breathing still ragged. I heard someone knock on my door but ignored it. It continued, the knocking turning eventually into pounding. "Harry!" Someone exclaimed. "Harry open the door! I know you're in there! I can hear your music!" By then I knew it was Dani and my heart lept and I frowned deeper. Her pounding continued for a few more minutes and then dissipated. I raised my head wondering why she had given up so quickly.

Slowly I got to a sitting position and then forced myself to stand. I wiped my tears from my face and looked through the peep hole in my door. I didn't see her and leaned my back against the door sighing then resting my head against the door. I then heard approaching footsteps in the hall and realized she had gon to get the spark key I'd accidently left in her car. She was going to get in and I wouldn't be able to stop her. Immediately, I went to hide behind my counter in the kitchen. I heard her struggling with the lock and I took a deep breath. The door creaked open and she called for me. I held my breath, having no intention of answering her. "Harry Edward Styles! I know you're in here! Come sit by me on the couch and we can talk," she said. I heard her settle on the couch and my stomach clenched.

"What if I don't want to talk, Dani?! Did you ever think I might not want to talk or even see you again?" My tone came out harsher than I planned but my heart was still hurting and she didn't understand. I didn't know if I could tell her now after what I had just discovered earlier today.

"Harry, you're my friend. I deserve an explanation," she said calmly. I groaned as I stood up and shuffled my way over to her. I plopped down as far away from her as I could on the couch. Her eyes widened and her brow furrowed when she saw my swollen red eyes and the tracks my tears had left on my flushed face. She scooted closer to me and I flinched involuntarily. From the corner of my eyes, I saw her hesitate to reach out to me and place her hand on my shoulder or arm. Instead, she brought her hand back to her lap and clasped the together tightly, pain evidently written on her face. Her pain only fueled my anger. Why did she have the right to feel bad when she was happy with Max, while I was being left to hang dry?! "Harry, what's wrong?" she whispered.

I turned towards her, eyes blazing. She flinched back in surprise at my anger. "You really have no idea, do you?" She shook her head. I stood up and started pacing. "How could you know? It's not like I ever told you! I mean I thought it was obvious in my advances how I felt about you," I rambled.

She stood up, gaining back her confidence and stopped my pacing with a single touch. I refused to look at her though, so she placed both her hands on either side of my face to make me look at her. Her eyes had turned to a light blue and they glistened with her own tears. "Harry, what feelings? I thought we were just friends and that there was nothing romantic between us. Max and I have been together since before I moved out here. I can't help it if I am tor... If I'm already with somebody else."

I jumped at her obvious slip up. "How come you never told me about him? Not even once was he mentioned to me. We were constantly texting or talking on the phone. How did you even have time to spend with him without me noticing?" I knew I had cornered her when her eyes turned blue with yellow outlining her pupils and her hands fell to her sides. Her mouth worked but no words came out. "Come on! Tell me! You wanted the truth from me! Now I want the truth from you, Dani!"

She took a step back and looked down at her feet. "I didn't want you to know about him," she whispered. Shock vibrated through my limbs. Did I hear her correctly or was I imagining things? When her eyes came up to connect with mine, they were a deep green and tears were rolling down her cheeks like little diamonds. I caught my breath not trusting my eyes or ears anymore. She took a step or so forward until she was standing so close, she had to look up at me. Her hand reached for mine and I was too shocked to protest as she held it in hers and gazed back up into my eyes. "I didn't want you to know about him because despite he and I being in a relationship... I was falling for you, Harry, and hard. I may have laughed at your attempts at sweet talking me and you flirting but inside I was crumbling like a warm cookie. That day in the woods, I hoped you would tell me if you had any real intentions for me. When you said nothing, I thought you just weren't ready yet. As days and days went by and still you continued to be silent. I thought I was falling for you but the longer you kept quiet, the less sure I was. I decided to just focus on Max because I was so unsure about you." She paused and I just stood there in utter shock. "You have no one to blame but yourself for this outcome, Harry."

I sucked in my breath and finally came to my senses. I brought my empty hand forward and placed it on the side of her face. "None of that matters now, Dani! Now that you know how I feel and I know how you feel, we can be together. We can move forward and explore what we might have." She was already shaking her head but I had a new-found hope now. It filled my frame and brought stars to my eyes. "Don't you see it? We can finally fix everything and be together."

"No, Harry, no we can't," she said shaking her head. I finally focused on her face to see more tears and pain. "It's too late. The school year is over and so is my time here as a study abroad student. I'm going back to California... and Max... Max is coming with me."

"No," I whispered in defeat and slumped my shoulders forward. I dropped my hand and I fought back the tears again. The hope that had just filled me with joy had disappeared in a matter of a few seconds.

"I was trying to tell you before you got angry and drove off earlier. I never wanted to hurt you," she whispered. If I had felt crushed before now I was shattered. I felt like the walls were slowly closing in and I had to hold back the tidal waves of raw emotion coming. Not only had I lost her but she would be out of reach for me to try and fix what I'd broken. I looked up to meet her gaze knowing the emotion I was feeling was evident in my eyes. She visibly swallowed and more tears fell from the puddles formed in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Harry," she choked out. I just shook my head. I was completely deflated. "I wish I didn't see that much pain in your eyes. I wish I could fix it."

"Well, you can't," I replied quietly. She sobbed once and I flinched at the display of her pain. I reached forward caressing her cheek with my thumb. She leaned her head into my palm and closed her eyes letting more tears escape down her cheeks. I suddenly had a desire to do something before I never had the chance to do it ever again. I didn't know how she would react so I took a deep breath and went for it. I shifted my weight forward and guided her closer to me. Her eyes shot open when she felt herself being moved. I lowered my head down, the evidence of my intentions clear on my expression. She raised her head, giving in. I didn't know why she did but when my lips met hers, the lyrics coming out of my stereo said, "Kiss me, Like you wanna be loved... wanna be loved... wanna be loved, This feels like falling in love, falling in love, falling in love..."

The was everything I'd imagined and more. The only thing wrong was the situation and timing. I never forgot Dani or the way I felt about her. Even years down the road, I still looked back at that moment and cursed myself for my stupidity. There were so many things I would've done differently. I wondered if I would ever get a second chance to make things right... I highly doubted I would though...

(Just wanted to add a little note down here. There is another chapter coming, so no worries. But something ironic happened when I wrote the end part of this chapter were Ed Sheeran's lyrics from Kiss Me are typed. As I typed the lyrics, the song of Ed Sheeran's song was playing and it sang them as I wrote them. How poignant is that???)

Chapter Two: My Disappearing Act

I awoke with a smirk on my face. Today was going to be full of mischief. I was supposed to be going to the studio to record a bit more for another day in the past two weeks since I met Dani. But little did fans know and the boys that I wasn't going to show up. Only Paul knew where I was going to be. I told him because I didn't want him to worry when I didn't show up and when none of the fans would be able to find me. To sum it all up, after taking Dani back to her room that night we got to talking and we became really good friends pretty fast.

There was something about her I just couldn't shake. It had been almost two weeks since we first met on that rainy day. My life had been so monotone until she came along. We'd met up a few times over the weeks to chat and hang out. When I wasn't busy we would talk on the phone and when we couldn't talk on the phone we would text.

The times when we had hung out, I made sure it was with a group of friends. The reason for that was so paparazzi wouldn't say we were together and the 1D fans wouldn't send her hate. Also the friend status left us time to get to know each other. I didn't know how she felt about me but I knew how I felt about her. No matter how hard I tried I wanted to always be with her and every time I saw her face my heart would skip and I suddenly felt flustered. I stumbled over my words around her and my usual smooth outward appearance was lost on her. She laughed when I tried to sweet talk her or she would tease  me relentlessly. Even Nick would raise his eyebrows at how my attempts at wooing her flopped every time. Normally any other girl would be flattered by my charms but not Dani. She had such a carefree outlook on life that my charms didn't even phase her. I wracked my brain every night to try and figure out something. Finally I called her up one evening, because it was easier than being caught by photographers outside her apartment.

She answered with a, "Hello, Harry!" I took a deep breath and asked her if she would like to go on an adventure with me the next day. She eagerly agreed which surprised me. So, I made sure she knew it would just be her and I. I heard her laugh at me over the call and I couldn't help but chuckle when she replied, "I know, silly." So the date had been set. I was so relieved and then came the nerves.

I shook myself out of my stupor of thoughts and quickly got out of bed and got ready for the day. I took a little extra time grooming because I was so nervous. I didn't understand why thought, she was just a friend who I had stronger feelings for. I had been in this situation multiple times but never had I ever been this anxious. She did something to me I didn't understand. There was something about her disposition and personality that drew me in and her vigor for life was intoxicating. My only withdrawals were if she felt the same for me as I for her.

Once I was all ready to go, I almost lopped down to the parking lot. I was having Dani pick me up because my vehicle was too recognizable. I was going to drive once she got here thought because she didn't know where we were going. I had a picnic basket full of food and a blanket with my jumper draped over my arm. A smile slid onto my face as I felt excited for some one on one time with Dani.

I heard a car coming and I felt my heart leap when I saw Dani's car pull up and park. She got out a huge grin gracing her face and her eyes sparkling brightly as usual. When she got close, she happily gave me a huge hug and my stomach clenched nervously.I couldn't quite hug her with my arms full but I did the best I could. I took a deep breath taking in her intoxicating scent. She pulled back and said, "It's good to see you, Harry."

"Likewise," I smiled charmingly. She smiled and shook her head as she pressed the button on her keys to open the boot of the car. Once again I was left puzzled from her immunity to my charms. She sauntered over to it and I casually followed. I put the basket and other things in there then asked for the keys. Shaking her head, she tossed me them and got in the passenger side. I was  going to open her door for her but she got in so fast I was left standing idiotically. I finally got myself out of my shocked state and got in her car. I started the car and we pulled out of the parking lot and past the photographers without a single photo being taken. I relaxed after that knowing it would be easier now to be MIA for the rest of the day.

I drove for hours to get  where I wanted to take her and the longer it took the more curious she became. Secretly I enjoyed watching her squirm with impatience. So to prolong the torture, I was making the drive longer than it needed to be. She sat up straight suddenly and said, "Didn't we pass that sign fifteen minutes ago?"

I put an innocent look on my face and replied, "No, you're just seeing things."

She smacked me on the arm. "You liar! You've been driving us in circles for at least an hour because we've passed that sign at least three time!"

I chuckled while rubbing my now sore arm. Jeez, did she have an arm or what! "Okay, okay, you caught me red-handed. I'll go straight there now." Which was exactly what I did. I was taking her to a place near Cheshire I'd found while growing up. I'd never taken anyone there before. I had never even spoken about it to anyone. It had been my get away spot where I could sit and ponder without being bothered. It was a beautiful area on the outskirts of the village up hidden between the hills. I pulled onto a dirt road and Dani perked up. She'd been dozing off and on for the last several minutes. I could see the clearness of her ever-changing eyes go blue with anticipation. It was a clear day in England and I was grateful for the cheery weather.

I parked at the edge of the trees and shut off the engine. Dani was leaning forward in her seat transfixed on the sight before her. I chuckled and got out of the car to take the opportunity to open her door for her. I stood there waiting as she slowly got out. Her mouth was open wide still in awe. You would think she had never seen a forest before in her life. Once she was completely out, I grabbed her jumper off the seat because she left it. I shook my head chuckling as I shut her door and got the stuff out of the boot of the car.

She was still gawking when I came up behind her. I stepped to her side and placed my hand on her shoulder. She jumped so high and turned on me with such a look on her face that I thought she was going to attack me. "Oh... sorry. It's just really pretty. I was remembering something from my childhood."

I nodded in understanding. "Well, come on. We have a ways to walk." I handed her jumper to her and then slung the strap of the blanket over my shoulder and walked.


About twenty minutes later, we entered a clearing where wildflowers were growing everywhere., along the left edge a stream bubbled over rocks creating a trickling background sound. Trees grew a mile high and it felt as if you were insignificant in the world when you stood here and looked up. Birds chirped their cheery songs for the sun and squirrels jumped from tree branch to tree branch to check out the strange visitors there. Dani beamed. "Harry this is beautiful! How did you know this was here?" she inquired as she walked into the clearing and gazed up into the sky once she reached the center of the clearing.

I smiled. I was pleased that she loved the spot. My gut feeling had been right about bringing here first. I walked towards her and set down the picnic basket. I unrolled the blanket and she helped me spread it out on the grass. "I stumbled upon it when I was just a kid. No one knows that I know this place exists, not even my mum. I used to come here when I wanted to be alone and just think," I answered her as I settled on the blanket.

She was still beaming when she sat down next to me. Her eyes rested on me and I resisted the urge to tuck a lock of hair that had gotten loose from the part of her hair she'd pinned back. With sparkling eyes, she regarded me. I wanted desperately to know what she was thinking. Suddenly she put her hand on my leg and leaned forward. For a moment I panicked until she gave me a peck on the cheek and then I blushed the color of sunsets. 'Thank you for sharing your secret place with me, Harry. It's a very lovely thing for you to do," she said.

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say and she still had her hand on my leg. I gazed at her hand and she cleared her throat as she retracted it. I cleared my throat as well and said, "Your welcome." Then I laid back on the blanket to gaze up into the sky and ponder what I was feeling.

Chapter One: Rain, Rain, and Something Unexpected

I woke up with a start. My breathing heavy and beads of perspiration rolling down the sides of my forehead. I was clutching at my sheets in utter shock from the dream I'd just had. It was the worst nightmare I'd ever had and I didn't even remember any details except for the fact I was scared out of my mind. A nippy wind blew in from my opened window and I shivered in spite of myself. Sleeping commando was the most comfortable for me but it still had its downfalls at times. For instance, right now I wanted to go close the window but I was too cold to get out from under the covers.

I took in a deep breath and jumped out of my skin when my alarm clock began to blare! Fumbling with the buttons on my new clock and not being able to figure out how to turn it off, I unplugged it. "Blasted thing!" I muttered. I untangled my legs from the bed sheets and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I shivered again, goose flesh rose all over my body and I reached for the robe hanging on the end post of my bed. As I stood up, I wrapped the robe around me and padded my way to close the window. I shut the window as a wind chillier than before blew and I gazed glumly at the black clouds in the sky. Thunder rumbled and lightning struck a ways off. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I turned from the window as the rain started to fall.

Running my fingers through my hair, I opened the door to my closet and stepped in to find something to wear. I grabbed a shirt, a jumper, a pair of jeans, boxers, and made my way to the bathroom. I stared at my tired expression as I turned on the faucet and then bent over to splash my face with cold water. I grabbed a hand towel and patted my face dry. Now awake a bit more, I quickly got dressed. I had a busy day today recording with the rest of my mates in the studio. Making the new album for all the fans was a blast and the response we got for the pre-order of the new single was absolutely mad! I smiled at my reflection as I reveled in the insanity of it all. Our fans were everything to us and we wanted to give back to them as much as we could.

I shook my hair and flipped it to the side once I was entirely groomed and ready to go. I put on my shoes and socks in my closet before I grabbed my jumper, keys, phone, and wallet. I opened the door and briskly walked to my car.


In a few minutes I was driving slowly through the crowds of fans outside the studio. Why they were all willing to stand out in the rain still made no sense to me. I was always afraid that I might accidently hit one of them as I would drove through. I waved to some and wasn't surprised by the camera flashes that followed. Finally I pulled through the gates and they closed behind me. I got out of my vehicle to be greeted with the shouting of my name from several girls outside the gates. I waved as I entered the building and heard several of the girls swoon. Once inside, I shook my head, the effect I had on some of the fans still didn't make any sense to me... I'm just Harry. I normal guy who loves normal things, normal people, and I enjoy many things. The only thing remotely special about me was that I was 1/5 of One Direction and the only reason we were so massive was because of our fans.

I shook my head, flipping my hair out of my eyes in the process. I gazed down at my phone in my hand and texted my mum back. She was always telling me good morning and to have a brilliant day and to keep smiling. I missed my family something fierce sometimes, especially my mum.

In a minute or so I was bombarded by Liam, Louis, and the rest of the crew telling me good morning. I replied and sat down, popping a grape in my mouth and settled down into the couch. Niall was currently in the booth singing his part of the song we were currently working on. Today would be slow moving but at least it wouldn't be a late night. I'd be out around 1300 and I had the need to just take a stroll through the park on the university grounds. I chatted casually with Louis, as Liam was currently on twitter. He was good with keeping up with twitters as was Niall. I often forgot about it. I tried to do better but I'd never been much of a person who was into the social media sites. I was more of personal contact person. I asked Louis what his plans were once he was done for the day. He smiled, "I was thinking about surprising El with a dinner and movie night at home. She's been stressing a bit about exams."

I nodded my head, "Sounds fun."

"What about you, Harry?" he reciprocated.

I shrugged, "I thought a stroll in the park with my headphones in would be enjoyable."

He nodded and then we all lapsed into silence as Niall came out of the booth. The mood was somber today, which was out of character for us. Maybe it had something to do with the weather and the song we were recording today. The song tended to send someone into a deep melancholic state. Once I filled my belly to where it was satisfied, I laid down on the couch, my head resting now by Niall and my eyes started to close. Liam was now in the booth, I dozed off to his voice crooning into the microphone.


I didn't know how much time had passed by when I was awoken by the boys roaring with laughter. "What?" I asked confused and slightly irritated from being awoken from my slumber. Niall was rolling on the floor, tears running down his cheeks from laughing so hard. Liam was laughing, Zayn was in the booth (he must've arrived after I'd fallen asleep), and Louis was holding his sides in laughter and pointing at me. "What?" I repeated. Then I realized my face felt a little funny. I brought my phone up and frowned. Someone had drawn a mustache and a uni-brow on me while I slept. I tried to scowl at my mates but I just couldn't and soon I was laughing as hard as them. It was incredible how fast the somber mood dissipated when we were all laughing so hard.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and they began to cramp from holding a smile for so long. Paul then walked in and I looked at him. He fought a smile when he saw my face, then he said, "It's your turn in the booth, Senior Styles!" That did him in and he cracked a grin and chuckled while everyone else roared with laughter and clutched at their sides as their abdomens became sore. I nodded fully conscious of the pen on my face and having no way to wash it off.


An hour later, I was out of the booth and had washed the ink off my face. Melancholy clouded my thoughts. The song always did that to me. It's lyrics really hit home. I sighed, rolling my shoulders and stretching after being in the booth for so long. Niall and I were done for the day, so we decided to grab a bite to eat and then go our separate ways. Before we got in our cars, we decided to take pictures with some fans and do autographs. The rain had stopped for the time being. We did as many as we could before our stomachs told us it was time to go eat. We said goodbye and I took a relieved breath as I entered the calm of my vehicle.


After lunch with Niall and taking some more pictures with fans, I drove to the park on the university grounds. Once parked I pulled out my iPod and plugged in my headphones. Locking up my car, I put in my headphones and started to take to the path. There was a small drizzle, so I zipped up my jumper and pulled up the hood. I walked taking in all the sites and the wonderful smell filling my nostrils. I sighed in contentment. It smelled of earth and decaying bark and leaves. I came to a bench overlooking a pond and stared as each raindrop hit the body of water. I shivered once in my jumper and smiled.

I continued on the path, passing by other students. I was suddenly grateful for the rain and the need to wear a hood and keep my head down. I was less likely to be recognized. For a split second I thought, I could've been studying here at this university. I wonder how different my life would be... My brain glided along on that thought line for a moment when suddenly I was smacked into from behind and belly flopped right into the mud! I coughed trying to catch my breath after having it knocked out of me. Someone was knocked out on my back and I was suddenly gripped by momentary panic. Pulling myself back to my sense, I pushed myself up slowly so the body on top of me rolled off gently. I turned on my side and jumped at what I saw. A girl with blonde hair and fair skin was unconscious next to me. I sat up and crawled over to her. I felt for a pulse and sighed when I found one. She began to groan and I waited for her to open her eyes.

The rain had stopped when her eyes opened and I was greeted by the startling blue of her eyes. Her eyes showed major confusion for a moment and turned a slight green in the process until they widened and grayed with horror when she registered I was covered in mud and so was she. "I am so sorry!" she blurted. "Sometimes when I go for a jog int he rain I slip and black out..."

I thought it odd that one would slip and black out but I wasn't shocked into silence because of that. I was in shock because not only was she beautiful but she was clearly American. Her accent was like smooth butter and I had to force myself to answer. "Oh no, it's quite alright. It can get quite slippery on the path during a storm. Do you need help getting back to your quarters?" Quarters?! Did I just say quarters! What the?! Of all the idiotic and ancient things to say, I say quarters?! Ugh! I thought.

She laughed and I couldn't help but smile and forget my earlier shame. Her laugh and smile were infectious, even with her being covered in mud. "I would like that. My name is Dani by the way, Dani Sams," she replied.

I put my hand out and helped her up after I had stood. She was still a bit wobbly, so I held tight to her until she got her footing and balance back. She was standing in front of me and our eyes met. Her eyes expectantly waiting for an answer to her question. "Oh," I blushed. "Harry..."

She smiled, her eyes softening to a blue-gray and the edges folding at the edges and a dimple showing up in one of her cheeks. "Do you have a last name, Harry?"

"Yes..." I said unsure if I wanted her to know. Her eyebrows rose when she noticed my hesitation. I swallowed and said, "Yeah, it's Styles. My name is Harry Styles."

Her eyes widened in recognition and I cringed inwardly waiting for her to fangirl. The mud all over my face had kept her from recognizing me until I had given her my name. I watched as her surprise faded and her grin widened, "Well, it's nice to meet you Harry Styles. Mind taking me back to my 'quarters' now?" She winked and I immediately relaxed. Her reaction wasn't what I had expected and I was silently grateful for her cool exterior.

"Of course," I smiled. I offered my arm to her and she graciously took it. I knew she was a bit wobbly still, so I thought my arm would help steady her. Chills ran up my spine from her touch and also from being chilled to the bones from being covered in mud.

Chapter Seventeen: Taking Chances...

I was still sitting on my bed staring at my phone with tears streaming down my cheeks and confusion rumbling around in my head, when someone knocked on my door. I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks and shoved my phone in my pocket while rushing to make myself look like I'd been packing the entire time. "El?" Came Harry's inquire.

"In here! I'm just trying to finish up packing for Paris. I don't want to miss anything," I replied. I heard the door open and I wasn't surprised about the butterflies and heat rushing to my face just hearing him say my name. I really did love Harry and I wanted to spend every moment with him! But now there was this tugging on my heart for Neal. It just didn't make sense and it was really unfair to Harry. I didn't know what to think or what to do. No wait I take that back, I did know what to do and it was to save all this turmoil for later. So I filed away what I was feeling for Neal until I could examine it more closely on my own time. I was holding up a shirt when Harry wrapped his arms around my waist, kissed my neck, then rested his chin on my shoulder. I sighed. He was so endearing and sweet, I loved him so much! I leaned back in his embrace dropping the shirt I was holding, I turned in his arms so I could look at him. When our eyes met electricity was imminent. I felt my heart skip a beat and I knew he was my forever man but what about.... I shook my thoughts subconsciously. I had never felt this with Neal. He'd always been kind but the electricity, the fiery passion had never been present with Neal.

I placed one of my hands on Harry's cheek and was about to go on my tip-toes to kiss him, when he asked, "Are you okay? You look like you've been crying..." His hand came up from around my waist to trace the tracks my tears had left on my cheek. His eyebrows knitted together with concern.

I turned my head and kissed his palm and then said, "I was on the phone with Neal. It upset me more than I thought it would telling him about us. I didn't realize until today that he had feelings for me. He's one of my best friends Harry. Hearing the pain in his voice hurt me a lot more than I thought it would." The tears started to fall again down my cheeks. His eyebrows still knitting together from his concern. He pressed his lips gently against my forehead and I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest crying my eyes out. He held me for as long as I needed him to while the tears fell. I thought I had exhausted myself from all the crying, but I still had more in me.

"El, love, did you care for him?" Harry asked hesitantly as he continued to stroke my hair comforting.

I pulled away to look him in the eyes. "He's my best friend, Harry, of course I care for him. He was there for me when I felt alone and he showed me love and concern. He was my knight in shining armor." My eyes averted from Harry's to stare at the front of his shirt.

I saw it rise and fall as he took in a deep breath. "He'll get over it, El. If he cares for your friendship and loves you, he will come back to you," he comforted.

"You really think so?" I asked hopefully gazing into Harry's green eyes. He smiled endearingly and I felt my heart swell with love for him. I knew his answer without him having to speak. We'd gotten to that stage in our relationship where we could just look at each other and I knew what he wanted to say. It was amazing and I loved him so much. Standing there with Harry there was not a doubt in my mind that I wanted to be with him forever or for ever how long we were meant to be together. He was everything I wanted and I felt the fullness of my life and the happiness I felt with him. The only nagging doubt in the back of my mind was that of Neal. I knew there was something unresolved there and I had to get rid of that nagging doubt somehow. I just didn't know how yet.

I looked up into Harry's eyes once more and he smiled down at me. "Can I make a confession?" he asked.
I nodded, my stomach suddenly erupting with butterflies as my sensed recognized the seriousness of what he was about to say. He smiled but I could sense his nerves as his arms wrapped around me tightened their grip. His eyes glistened with love and it made it difficult to hold his gaze. "I love you so much, El. I want you to be happy whether it is with me or someone else. While I want to be selfish and keep you here with me forever I know that might not be possible. You have college starting in about a month and a half. Separation will be hard and different. Do you think we can last through it?" I could tell he'd given a lot of thought into this and I wanted to give him an honest answer.

"I don't know Harry. I want with all my heart and soul to say yes, we can make it but I honestly don't know. You have a tour starting, so we wouldn't be able to see each other much anyways. I want us to last just as long as you do." I ran my hand over his head, brushing the curls for a moment off his forehead. He smiled lovingly and I returned the look. "We will figure it out. I know we will because we love each other. We just have to take a leap of faith and hopefully by taking chances and making sacrifices we will make it."

He smiled down at me and bent his head forward as he pressed his lips against mine. I slowly ran my hands up his chest to wrap them around his neck as the kiss deepened. I sighed behind his lips and grinned. He pulled away slightly to where our lips were just barely touching and he whispered, "How did I get so lucky?"

I giggled and replied, "I'm the lucky one."

"On the contrary, I am the lucky one. You are everything I never thought to even ask for and yet I still have you," he whispered as he pressed his lips against mine again. I held him close savoring each placement of his hands on my back and waist, and each gentle brush of his lips against mine. I was on cloud nine and had been for the last month. I still couldn't believe my luck and the fact that we were each madly in love with the other was something I thought I would ever get to experience with anyone. I loved Harry with all my heart and soul. A thought of Neal tugged in the back of my mind but I thought, Neal is my friend. Harry is my lover. There is a difference of love I have for each of them. It's Harry. It has always been Harry. I sighed once more and then grinned. Harry grinned as well as he placed another kiss on my lips.

Chapter Sixteen: Blast from the Past

I remembered sitting on my bed trying to remember what more I needed to pack. I knew we were going to be coming back to the house after Paris but I had to make sure I had everything. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to find I had a text from someone. I opened up the text and smiled when I saw it was from Neal. It read: "Hey El! How are you? Sorry I haven't called in a while! I hope you're having loads of fun and I can't wait to hear from you!"

I felt a warmth encompass me. It had taken a while for Neal and I to become friends. Mostly because I just fought him tooth and nail. I thought he was too nice and to be honest hitting me in the face with a door and then calling me Ellouise was not the way to get on my good side. I remember the day after that Neal had asked our French teacher if he could switch his seat so he would be sitting next to me. I glared at him hardcore that day. I didn't like Neal all that much back then. Slowly he wormed his way into my heart and he'd become one of my best friends there.

I think our defining moment would've had to be when I had been sitting alone at lunch. I'd been sitting in a corner booth all by myself. I swear I repulsed people because no one sat even near me. Doesn't inspire much confidence in yourself when it seems like no one wants to be around you. Neal and his huge group of friends sat on one of the big tables not to far from where I sat. Many days at lunch I would catch him staring at me. I would also look away with my heart beginning to ache because of the pity I saw in his eyes. Sometimes it made me angry. Although that day, I remember sitting there eating my lunch when someone sat down in front of me. I jumped startled that someone would even want to sit next to me but when I saw who it was, I was even more surprised. It was Neal and he was smiling at me. I rose my brows quizzically and he chuckled. Then I asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm eating. What does it look like?" he replied.

"No I mean what are you doing sitting with me? Your friends are staring and so is everyone else. No one sits by me, I'm the freak," I whispered still staring at him.

He swiveled in his seat looking at everyone. When his eyes met someone's they would quickly look away and go back to what they were doing. Finally his eyes came back to me and he said, "I want to eat with you. No one should eat all alone and like I said a while back, I want to be your friend. If you'll let me, Ella." He didn't say anything else as if that settled everything. I continued to stare at him throughout lunch. I couldn't believe him. Why was he committing this status quo suicide? He was like captain of the football team and everyone loved him. I'd learned more about him throughout the past month or so. It just didn't make any sense. I was the freak and he was the jock even though I was a jock too but no one treated me like one. I was an outsider on almost every level... It didn't make sense. When he would catch me staring incredulously at him still, he would just smile.

When lunch was over, he walked me to my class. Slowly he got me to talk and answer his questions about myself. I came to find we had much in common and I started to warm up to him over the weeks. He had such a sweet disposition and I swear every time I found myself in an awkward position, he would rush in to save me. I used to tease him in the beginning of our friendship that he was my "Knight in Shining Armor". He used to just laugh and shrug it off. I remember the time he first saw my room. It was during Homecoming I remember it very well.

Neal had been slowly worming his way into my life and heart for about a month when Homecoming week was suddenly upon us. I had no plans on going to any of the special activities the school had planned for the week. Except for the things meant specifically for Seniors. I remember Monday night chilling in my room, listening to my tunes, when someone knocked on my bedroom door. "Come in," I called out. I was laying on my bed upside down. So my feet were up on my wall tapping out the beat to Stand Up by the boys and my head was by the foot board of my bed. I had my eyes closed and when I heard the door open and shut then silence. I turned to look to see who entered and when my eyes met Neal's I sat up so quick that I knocked over my lamp on the table next to my bed. He just stared at me and the posters of the boys all over my walls. His mouth slightly open from shock. "What are you doing here?" I snapped.

His eyes shot back to mine and he blushed brightly. "I... um... Your mom said you were in your room and I could come down to get you for the school thing tonight for Homecoming Week," he replied.

"Oh...." then it became silent and extremely awkward. I put my lamp back up and just sat awkwardly on my bed. Neal continued to stand by my door looking around at all my posters. "Uh... Neal. What are we even doing tonight?" I asked trying to get him to stop looking at my posters of One Direction. I wasn't ashamed, I loved them so much but this was my personal space and Neal had just intruded. I was feeling very unbalanced.

His shocking blue eyes snapped back to my sea-blue ones. I had to keep myself from catching my breath. I'd forgotten how amazingly gorgeous Neal was. You could definitely tell the Greek in him from the way his dark brown hair curled like some Greek Hero and his strong jawline only more defined from the dark stubble on it. His skin was dark, darker than mine. He was muscular in all the right places and the definition showed in the t-shirt he wore. I consciously tucked a lock of my curls behind my ear as he registered what I'd asked him and I kept from blushing at the sight of him. "We have the movie on the lawn tonight. I thought you might want to be my... um...would like to join me. I already have a spot set up at the school. I brought a couch and some blankets. Would you like to?" Neal asked.

I felt my heart flutter... Did Neal want to ask me on a date but knew I wouldn't exactly be okay with that just   yet? I snapped out of my reminiscing and began to pace my room. My thoughts were going a million miles a minute.

I couldn't remember if that's what he meant or not looking back on it but thinking about that night brought the butterflies back. I immediately was confused by the present feelings I was feeling reminiscing about mine and Neal's relationship. I was head-over-heels for Harry! What was going on?! That night at the movie on the lawn was amazing. Neal had put his arm around me and I'd allowed it. I never let Neal get too far. I always kept him at an arm's length away. I never understood why until now. I was obsessed with something to happen with one of the guys from One Direction and now I was here in the same house with them and falling head over heels for one but reliving memories of my best guy friend in the world. I finally understood how much pain I'd put Neal through. He'd fallen for me and I'd pushed him away because of a fantasy I never even knew would actually come true.

Now that it had, I felt like I'd cheated Neal out of something special... What kind of friend was I?! It hurt to think of how sweet, endearing, and patient Neal had been throughout our Senior year. He was my friend, there for me through the entire year and I had been selfish. I gazed down at his text and it just proved how selfless Neal was towards me. I wondered if he knew about Harry and I yet. I almost didn't know if I could tell him the truth now that it had finally clicked that Neal had feelings for me. Everything started to come together, the puzzle was becoming whole. Tears formed in my eyes. How could I have been so selfish?! I didn't know what to think, but I had to ask Neal if he knew about Harry and I. So I dialed his number. He answered the phone with, "Hello, El, I've missed you."

I sighed a complete calm blanketing my previous worries. Just hearing his voice made me feel relaxed. I'd missed my best friend. "Hey Neal. How are you enjoying Greece?"

"It's very pretty here, El! I wish you could see it!" he replied and just hearing the joy in his voice lifted my spirits.

I smiled, "I've seen and experienced some spectacular sites as well. Neal..."

"What is it El?" Neal asked immediately knowing something was up.

I took in a deep breath... "Have you been keeping up with the tabloids?"

"No," he answered simply.

I sighed and said, "Well, there's something I need to tell you." I could here his silence and it was letting me know to continue. I stopped pacing and plopped down on my bed, suddenly exhausted. "Well a lot has happened since we last talked, like a lot a lot, Neal. For instance, Becca and Zayn are now a couple and so is Anne and Niall... And... Harry and I are together as well. I couldn't believe it myself when he was making moves and being so suave. He was working his charms the first day we were here to be honest. I finally let him in and I think I might be in love with him, Neal." Silence met my last sentence and it was intense. I could feel his pain through the phone connection and my heart began to break. I couldn't believe I was doing this to him but he had to know. Especially now since I knew how he felt about me. I loved him with all my heart and I hated hurting him but I was in love with Harry. I heard a sniff and for a shocking moment I realized Neal was crying. Hearing that sent me over the edge and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. "Neal?" I asked unsure.

I heard him take in a deep breath. "I'm so happy for you, El! So happy! You deserve all the happiness in the world! I hope he treats you well," he said. I knew it was forced happiness. It was written all over the tone of his voice. The tears started to fall faster now. I couldn't believe I was doing this to him.

"Neal, I am so happy! He's so kind and sweet! Everything I dreamed he would be and more! I really do love him and he loves me! You deserve just as much happiness as I do. I bet you've met some hot Greek girl and are head over heels for her." My happiness wasn't forced even though tears were streaming down my cheeks and my heart was aching for Neal.

He chuckled half-heartedly, "Yeah, that's what's been happening. Are you going to come see me, El? I miss you."

I took in a shaky breath. "I will talk with everyone. We are going to Paris for the next two and a half weeks and then I don't know what all the boys have planned...."

"Oh," he answered.

"I will try though. I promise! Neal..."

"Yeah?"

"You know I love you right? You're the best friend a girl could have asked for, especially someone like me. You let me in and accepted me when no one else would. You're one in a million pal and I love you," I said trying my best to cheer him up.

"I love you too, El." he replied in a somber tone. I had failed in cheering him up but at least I had tried. I heard someone calling on the other end in a language I didn't know. Neal answered back in the same language. It clicked that he'd been speaking Greek to someone. "I have to go now, El. I hope you continue to have fun. Bye."

He hung up before I could say goodbye back. I stared at my phone in my hands as tears continued to fall. For the first time in my life, I felt my heart torn between two people. For some reason that phone call had made things difficult now. Neal was my best friend and I loved him... Harry was my dream guy and I loved him with a fiery passion but which one was more realistic and which one would last longer? I didn't know the answer to that question and to find the answer I knew I would have to shatter my heart and someone else's in the process. I just didn't know anymore... Not know... I began to wonder if I ever did...