Chapter Six: A Surprise Visitor

I swear I just stood staring at her flabbergasted for several minutes before she chuckled uncomfortably and said, “Uh, can I come in?”

I took a step back and she walked in, wringing her hands together. Shaking my head and blinking rapidly to bring myself back to earth, I gently closed the door. As I turned around to head back into the main part of my suite, I texted Paul saying, “Never mind”. Shuffling, I made my way over to where she was standing but kept my distance and kept quiet. I didn’t know what to say to her. I had expected a text or maybe even a phone call but not an unexpected visit to my hotel room. How did she even know where I was staying and which room it was? “How…” I began.

“How did I figure out where you were staying?” She interrupted. I nodded stupidly, still in shock that she was even here. “Come on, Harry! As if the thousands of girls outside isn’t an obvious sign and to be honest all I had to do was ask an update account on Twitter. They gave it to me immediately,” she said sounding a bit amused with herself.

“Oh,” I replied. I furrowed my brow and went to sit in one of the single cushion chairs so she wouldn’t be able to sit close to me. I ran a hand through my hair and then fixed it afterwards.

She sat down in the chair next to me and asked, “Are you alright? You only ever run your hand through your hair and then fix it when you’re upset about something.” I gazed at her in bewilderment. How could she possibly still remember? We hadn’t seen each other in over three years. She averted her eyes and I watched as her cheeks flushed. She cleared her throat and said quietly, “Just because I haven’t seen you in quite some time, Harry doesn’t mean I don’t remember you and your quirks.” Once again, I couldn’t find anything to say back. I was never at a loss for words… Okay I take that back, sometimes I am. We sat quietly and finally, she groaned and stood up quickly. She stood over me with her hands on her hips and glared down at me. “Will you please say something?! I am dying over here!”

I felt anger swell in my chest but I held it at bay and stood up so I towered over her. I was a good fifteen and a half centimeters taller than her. She craned her neck back slightly to keep our gaze locked. “What do you want me to say, Dani? You show up here unexpected and expect me to act as if no time has passed as if there isn’t any residual hurt left behind. I can’t do that, I still am trying to wrap my mind around the idea that you’re even here. So yeah, I am finding it difficult to find words to say something.”

She took a step back, shocked. Her eyes began to shine as tears built up in her tear ducts. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would still even care.”

“Of course I care, Dani. You know me!” I said, trying to keep my voice from rising in volume. 

She shook her head and looked back up at me, a glint in her eye. “How was I supposed to know you still cared, Harry? For over a year, I emailed you almost every month and not once did you ever reply! What was I supposed to think?”

I sighed, “I know. I don’t blame you. I was a complete git.”

“You’re right you were but I also understand that you were hurt because I was as well,” she replied quietly as she shuffled her feet and stared at the ground.

I started to reach out for her but thought better of it and retracted my hand, “I know before you got here, I had just finished reading through all of the emails I ignored of yours over the years.”

She jumped and stared at a look of slight horror on her face. “You did?!” I nodded and she continued, “I didn’t think you kept them…”

“I did. I think we need to talk, Dani,” I said.

She was shaking her head determinedly now and backing up to the door. “I can’t… I can’t do this right now.” Once the words left her mouth, she turned and ran out of the room. Without a moment of hesitation, I was chasing after her.

There were a few security guys outside in the hallway and when Dani ran passed them obviously upset and then I came quickly after, they tried to stop me. I believe I shoved several of them away and said, “Dani! Wait!” She didn’t take the elevator, she threw the stair door open and began her descent with me on her heels. We got to the first floor and she burst through the door before me and as I went out, someone grabbed me. I turned on him to see Paul. “Paul, let me go! I have to go after her!” I said in hysterics. I couldn’t let her get away again! I wouldn’t allow it!

“Harry, there is paparazzi out there. You can’t be seen chasing after a girl they haven’t ever seen before,” he reasoned.

I squirmed in his grip. “But I have to, Paul. It was Dani.”

“I know it was. I gave her permission to go up. You have her email and I have her cell number. You can reach her that way, Harry,” he reasoned once again.

I calmed down a plan formulating in my mind. “Okay, will you let me go now?” Paul nodded and as soon as he let me go, I raced outside. I looked from left to right trying to find Dani, but she was long gone. “No, this can’t be happening,” I groaned. I placed both of my hands on top of my head and looked around with a distraught expression on my face. People were flashing their cameras and I groaned. I turned back around and went back into the hotel. I could hear fans screaming at me but I just looked in their direction, smiled, and waved as I continued on my way. I got to the elevators and pressed the up button. I stood their feeling completely distraught. The doors opened to an elevator on my right and I entered. Once in, I groaned once again and said, “I can’t believe I lost her again! Ugh! Why?!” I pounded my fist on the wall next to me and then just took a deep calming breath.

My mind was running a million miles and minute. I was trying to figure out what to do and then it finally hit me: I found her once, I’d find her again! There was no way I was going to let her get away! I loved her too much! The elevator doors opened on my floor and I strutted to my suite with a new found conviction. I was going to find her and I was going to fix this. I didn’t care how long it took me; I loved her too much to just let her get away again!

Chapter Five: Regret and Guilt

That night I was sitting alone in my hotel room. I could hear the boys in their suites next door laughing and enjoying themselves. For some reason I couldn’t get myself to join them. I had a continual thought running through my mind of Dani saying, “I emailed you for your number but you never replied.” I know I hadn’t replied; I never did after that night three years ago.

Now here I was sitting on the couch, staring at my laptop. I had opened the folder where I’d saved all of the emails she’d sent me and yet none of them had been read.  I just stared at them wondering if I should read them or not. I didn’t want to dig up all the old pain I buried because I’d buried it for the purpose of staying that way. I wondered what she had said in any of these; there were about twenty-five emails. Yes, there were that many of them unread. I wondered if one of the emails contains what she felt was so important that she needed to speak to me about it, in person.

I think I was sitting there for over an hour, debating whether or not to actually read the emails, when I finally opened the first unread email. It was dated three days after that night. It wasn’t very long. I could almost imagine her writing and rewriting it, trying to find the right wording for what she wanted to say. I remembered during that time she’d been trying to reach me but I would ignore her calls and texts. The email read:

From: Dani Sams

To: Harry Styles

 I really wish you would stop ignoring me, Harry. I don’t want to have to say what I want to say via an email. Although since you don’t seem to want to give a choice in that, I suppose I will have to do it this way.

I’m sorry, Harry! I don’t think when we met each other we would end up breaking each other’s hearts. I wish I had met you first before Max because then maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess. I love you, Harry! I really do! Unfortunately, Max found me first and we waited too long after we met to share our feelings for each other. I don’t know if you will even answer this or read it. In fact, I’m pretty sure you will ignore this email. But I wanted to somehow know that I did everything I could to tell you… I’m in love with you, Mr. Styles, madly, passionately, inconsolably in love with you. I would leave Max in a heartbeat right now if you asked me to! I realized today that I don’t feel the same way for him as I do for you… Please read this before it’s too late… I miss my best friend…

Love,

Danibear <3

I couldn’t breathe. She was in love with me or had been when she wrote the email. Oh how I wished I’d not ignored that email! I could’ve been with her all this time if I had only read and replied. “Idiot!” I hissed angrily to myself. I clicked to read the next email which was dated a week after the other one.

From: Dani Sams

To: Harry Styles

I’m guessing since I haven’t heard from you, you’ve either ignored my last email or you really don’t care about me in that way. I am honestly hoping the latter is not the case.

The only reason I’m emailing you again (which you will probably ignore anyway) is to let you know what happened last night. I broke up with Max. I just felt him moving to LA with me was a mistake, especially when I didn’t have any feelings for him anymore. I can’t stop thinking about. I feel awful about what happened between us.

Please answer me! I don’t know what else to say and you won’t answer my calls or texts.

Love,

Danibear <3

I read through so many of the emails and by the end, she was saying how done she was hoping I would reply to her. Also she said at the end, “This is my final goodbye. I won’t email you anymore. I won’t bother you; I won’t even try and get ahold of you on twitter. I hope you’re happy Harry. I really do. I love you and wish you all the happiness in the world. Goodbye, Love, Danibear.”

Tears were now clouding my vision. I was literally pounding my fist on my thigh because of my stupidity. I had been so worried about my own pain and reading her say over and over again that we had no chance of it working out between us…  I’d completely missed my second chance at happiness with Dani. I couldn’t take any more of these heart wrenching emails. There was one thing I knew for sure; I was an absolute moron!

I stood up quickly while shutting my laptop in anger and tossed it onto the couch beside me. I paced the room, running my fingers through my hair. I was furious with myself and my stupidity. I needed to get out of my room and just take a walk in the cool night air. I quickly texted Paul that I was going out and as I was putting on a light jumper, a knock echoed through my room. I was expecting to see one of the security guys, specifically Andy, he always seemed to go everywhere with me. I hurried over to the door to open it and when I did I saw someone I wasn’t expecting to see.

“Hello Harry.”

My mind and body froze. I couldn’t think of what to say and when I did finally get something out, it was a pained voice which whispered as I released a held breath of air, “Dani.”

Chapter 4: Three Years Come and Gone

I sat in my hotel room, three years later with Niall and Louis just chilling in LA before we were meant to go to rehearsals. I'd spaced off again, remember Dani and knowing she was going to school near here. I sighed out loud and Louis said, "It's happening again."

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?" He asked. I shook my head. "Yes you are, Harry. Every time we come to LA you get that far away look in your eyes and we all know you're thinking about Dani."

I flinched at the sound of her name; I hadn't been able to say it since that night but she was always in the back of my mind. I couldn't do anything without some random memory of her popping up in my head and making me melancholic. It had been three years and I still hadn't moved on. Everything just seemed to stop; even the fans knew there was something wrong with me. I kept hearing how much they missed the old me and how much I'd changed. I didn't know what to tell them because I hadn't told anyone but the boys about Dani. "Harry," Niall joked. "Come back to us." I focused on both of their concerned faces and then it seemed like a light bulb turned on in Niall's head. "Hey, we don't have to do any rehearsals today, so why don't we go to Disneyland and maybe get Harry's mind off of, you know who."

"Brilliant," Louis exclaimed as he jumped up. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me up in the next beat, "C'mon, Harry. We're gonna go be kids today and forget about the worries of an adult."

I couldn't help but laugh at my friends and soon enough we had all the boys together and were on our way to Disneyland. The paparazzi had a load of funny pictures by the time we were almost done. We were heading towards Splash Mountain, when I saw Dani ahead of me. I froze mid-stride and just stared, my heart pounding and aching all at once. Liam paused, "What is it Harry?" He followed my gaze and then sucked in his breath when he saw her.

"We can go somewhere else," Louis interjected.

I shook my head, "No it's okay. I need to move on and maybe this will help me do that." We continued on our way forward to the line and I instantly knew we would be standing right behind her in the line for Splash Mountain. In a small way I was excited to see her again but then as I remembered what happened the last time we’d seen each other, I was filled with anxiety. There were many times I would sit and stare at my emails, trying to build up the courage to email her back or I would try and send her a dm on Twitter. I felt my insides torn every time I wouldn’t follow through with it. Now here she was right in front of me and I couldn’t get out a word. I was a failure. Here I was Mr. Harry Styles, the member of the band that every girl wanted to get with, the guy that paparazzi made out to be a womanizer, and yet I couldn’t even talk to the woman I loved because I’d messed up.

We finally reached the back of the line. I wasn’t chatting with the other boys, I was just staring... staring at the back of Dani’s blonde head. Louis patted me on the back and said, “So, how are you enjoying yourself, Harry?”

He said the question loud enough that I knew Dani would for sure hear him. “I’m having loads of fun! I’m glad we had today off to just chill and have fun,” I replied forcing some exuberance into my voice. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dani turn around with a look of utter shock mixed with fear on her face. I don’t know why I would see fear there, but there it was.

She furrowed her brow and asked uncertainly, “Harry?”

I allowed myself to finally look in her direction and as I did, I noticed the boys become very quiet. “Dani?” I said pretending to be surprised. She smiled slowly and then threw her arms around me in a giant hug and I tried not to stiffen when I began to hear camera’s going off. I enjoyed the moment though. Closing my eyes I took in her scent and was surprised to find she smelled the same. Her hair was longer and curlier but still just as soft. As my arms were wrapped around her waist, my hands touched the sides of her hips and I felt myself wishing we had met somewhere private. This was going to be a painful reunion. I had no idea if she was still with Max or what had transpired there. All I knew was that my heart still ached for her after all these years.

She pulled away all of a sudden and I was left being drawn out of my thoughts sharply. “Why didn’t you ever email me back Harry? I’ve missed you, we have so much to catch up on,” she replied with a smile.

I blinked trying to gathering my bearings and say something back. Finally I let them spill out. “Do you still have my number or something? We are here for rehearsals and some promos while we are here. I am only here for a couple of weeks. We get a week off before we start up again and I decided to stay in LA for most of that week,” I said as quickly and as quietly as I could so that paparazzi wouldn’t hear me.

She smiled and said, “No I actually don’t have your number anymore. I dropped my phone in some water a couple years ago and lost quite a bit of numbers, plus you never answered my email asking for your number.”

I blushed in embarrassment. I’d purposely ignored all of her emails. They all sat unopened and unread. “Here give me your phone,” I said. Immediately the boys crowded around so the paparazzi couldn’t see what I was doing. Dani handed me her phone and I quickly inserted my number. “Text me later today and we can see when we can have a chat to catch up.” When I looked back up at her, the expression on her face told me she wanted me to say something more. I swallowed, “I’ve missed you too, Dani, probably more than you think.” Her eyes widened with surprise but before she could say anything she and her friends were next in line for the ride. She waved goodbye, her brows furrowed with not being able to say what she had been thinking. Once she was out of sight, I took a deep breath and sighed. Liam patted my shoulder but didn’t say anything. He knew that I knew what he meant.

The rest of the day spent in the park flew by in a blur. I couldn’t stop thinking about Dani. What was so important to her that we needed to catch up? My chest tightened just at the thought of spending alone time with her. After all these years, she still had that effect on me… I knew I was in even more trouble now of falling in love with her than I was three years ago.