That night I was sitting alone in my hotel room. I could
hear the boys in their suites next door laughing and enjoying themselves. For
some reason I couldn’t get myself to join them. I had a continual thought
running through my mind of Dani saying, “I emailed you for your number but you
never replied.” I know I hadn’t replied; I never did after that night three
years ago.
Now here I was sitting on the couch, staring at my laptop. I
had opened the folder where I’d saved all of the emails she’d sent me and yet
none of them had been read. I just
stared at them wondering if I should read them or not. I didn’t want to dig up
all the old pain I buried because I’d buried it for the purpose of staying that
way. I wondered what she had said in any of these; there were about twenty-five
emails. Yes, there were that many of them unread. I wondered if one of the
emails contains what she felt was so important that she needed to speak to me
about it, in person.
I think I was sitting there for over an hour, debating
whether or not to actually read the emails, when I finally opened the first
unread email. It was dated three days after that night. It wasn’t very long. I
could almost imagine her writing and rewriting it, trying to find the right
wording for what she wanted to say. I remembered during that time she’d been
trying to reach me but I would ignore her calls and texts. The email read:
From: Dani Sams
To: Harry Styles
I really wish you would stop ignoring me,
Harry. I don’t want to have to say what I want to say via an email. Although
since you don’t seem to want to give a choice in that, I suppose I will have to
do it this way.
I’m sorry, Harry! I
don’t think when we met each other we would end up breaking each other’s
hearts. I wish I had met you first before Max because then maybe we wouldn’t be
in this mess. I love you, Harry! I really do! Unfortunately, Max found me first
and we waited too long after we met to share our feelings for each other. I don’t
know if you will even answer this or read it. In fact, I’m pretty sure you will
ignore this email. But I wanted to somehow know that I did everything I could
to tell you… I’m in love with you, Mr. Styles, madly, passionately,
inconsolably in love with you. I would leave Max in a heartbeat right now if
you asked me to! I realized today that I don’t feel the same way for him as I
do for you… Please read this before it’s too late… I miss my best friend…
Love,
Danibear <3
I couldn’t breathe. She was in love with me or had been when
she wrote the email. Oh how I wished I’d not ignored that email! I could’ve
been with her all this time if I had only read and replied. “Idiot!” I hissed
angrily to myself. I clicked to read the next email which was dated a week
after the other one.
From: Dani Sams
To: Harry Styles
I’m guessing since I
haven’t heard from you, you’ve either ignored my last email or you really don’t
care about me in that way. I am honestly hoping the latter is not the case.
The only reason I’m
emailing you again (which you will probably ignore anyway) is to let you know
what happened last night. I broke up with Max. I just felt him moving to LA
with me was a mistake, especially when I didn’t have any feelings for him
anymore. I can’t stop thinking about. I feel awful about what happened between
us.
Please answer me! I
don’t know what else to say and you won’t answer my calls or texts.
Love,
Danibear <3
I read through so many of the emails and by the end, she was
saying how done she was hoping I would reply to her. Also she said at the end, “This
is my final goodbye. I won’t email you anymore. I won’t bother you; I won’t
even try and get ahold of you on twitter. I hope you’re happy Harry. I really
do. I love you and wish you all the happiness in the world. Goodbye, Love,
Danibear.”
Tears were now clouding my vision. I was literally pounding
my fist on my thigh because of my stupidity. I had been so worried about my own
pain and reading her say over and over again that we had no chance of it
working out between us… I’d completely
missed my second chance at happiness with Dani. I couldn’t take any more of
these heart wrenching emails. There was one thing I knew for sure; I was an
absolute moron!
I stood up quickly while shutting my laptop in anger and
tossed it onto the couch beside me. I paced the room, running my fingers
through my hair. I was furious with myself and my stupidity. I needed to get
out of my room and just take a walk in the cool night air. I quickly texted
Paul that I was going out and as I was putting on a light jumper, a knock
echoed through my room. I was expecting to see one of the security guys,
specifically Andy, he always seemed to go everywhere with me. I hurried over to
the door to open it and when I did I saw someone I wasn’t expecting to see.
“Hello Harry.”
My mind and body froze. I couldn’t think of what to say and
when I did finally get something out, it was a pained voice which whispered as
I released a held breath of air, “Dani.”
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